Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
