i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
