Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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