she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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