if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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