I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
