5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
