Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
50% drunk capacity currently
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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