it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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