I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
