my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
