Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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