U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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