you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
