So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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