My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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