Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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