So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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