Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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