I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
