so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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