The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
