so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
