i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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