I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
