just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize