Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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