did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
