I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
