I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
