When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
