When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
