Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize