Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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