dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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