whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize