he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
