no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize