Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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