I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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