how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
