I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
