I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
