Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
