whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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