some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
