I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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