god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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