I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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