Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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