call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
