You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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