Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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