If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
