You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
