Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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