I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
