Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
