the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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