I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize