How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
