I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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