It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we made out on top of his cat.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
