East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
