Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so let's talk penis.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
