Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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