thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize