where am i from again
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
