i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
