Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
