I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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