Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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