if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
