I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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